


See Us All In A New Light

by Wealthywetsunny



Series: Drunken Photography [4]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Love, Near Death Experiences, Pain, Smut, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-23 07:38:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15601497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wealthywetsunny/pseuds/Wealthywetsunny
Summary: Jacob, Joseph and John had fought for months, battling the resistance. And the war has finally been won. The hindrance came when they stood over the bodies of the fallen and didn’t have the deputy by their side. Their hopes for a better life had been tainted the moment she was gone. They searched far and wide for their beloved, clinging to the hope that they’d find her alive.





	1. Chapter 1

John didn’t wake up when his alarm went off. A loud blaring noise he chose for when days got particularly rough and getting up was a chore.  
Each time his fist would slam down on the bright green snooze button situated on top and each time he’d lay unmoving, face down, waiting for it to go off ten minutes later. Rinse and repeat until it was 7:15 A.M. The sun had already shown itself over an hour ago. A painfully bright reminder that he should be getting ready. Showed and dressed, heading out to perform his duties to Eden’s Gate. 

The cord plugged into the wall in a tangle of wires ended up being yanked from the wall to stop the beeping. A groan slipped from his lips when the assortment of items littering his bedside table was knocked off along with that damn alarm clock. He wasn’t even about to check if his phone screen was destroyed, considering how his luck was looking the bottled water that tipped over too was uncapped and spilling everywhere on his carpet. 

John shifted in his bed, breathing a sigh of relief when he moved on his back, arm slung over his eyes. He had half a mind to close the blinds, and of course, ignore the fact that his phone on the floor had now started ringing. For Christ’s sake, people had to learn to live without him. This whole damn project would fall apart apparently if he were gone for a few hours. Then again he sort of lost track of time with how his thoughts were muddled from abhorrence. 

Squirming his way to the edge of the bed his hand dived through the cords and pawed at his phone. Still halfway off the bed, foot brushing the floor he squinted at the screen. Tiny gasp and curse falling from his mouth. Fucking 8:12 A.M. 

Christ, he had confessions to do this morning. Baptisms at night. Before he let his phone drop he remembered to flick it on to silent. His phone fell from his grasp as he let his fingers go limp. He winced at the sound. Yeah, now it was definitely cracked. 

John rolled in the middle of the bed, grabbing blankets to pull over top of him, placing himself into a small cocoon. His eyes closed. Just a little longer. He needed it if those around him didn’t want him to be a complete and utter asshole. 

When he managed to pull himself out of his bed it was 9:00 A.M. The sun was shining impossibly brighter than it was before. Sometimes he wondered why he ever followed Joseph to Montana. 

He skipped the shower, simply gelled his hair back. Tamping down the stray hairs that wouldn’t cooperate, taking way longer than he would’ve liked. 

Being the day after he mourned the deputy and there was no way he was going for his blue shirt and vest he normally wore. A white button up would do just fine, throw on some jeans that he only wore once to some sermon that he wanted to look especially nice at and he didn’t look half bad. His aviators were tossed on for once to try and hide the heavy bags under his eyes that lined under his lids like dark half moons. 

When he finally stepped into the morning light he checked his phone, not bothering to hide his annoyed side as he thumb swiped out over the spider web cracks that were at the edge. The white notifications ran down in a long list. 

8 misscalls

12 text messages. 

Most from his brothers. A few here and there from some Peggies in his bunker questioning if confessions were still happening. He didn’t bother responding to anyone, read over them briefly when he hopped into the back seat of an SUV meant to take him to his Gate. One text stood out in particular. It came from Jacob, letting him know that next week is when they’d launch their attack against the resistance. They’d start in Holland Valley. That meant justice for the deputy. It made him snort with annoyance when he should’ve smiled. He wouldn’t be attending, his family could go watch the destruction they’d induce. John would much rather sleep for three more weeks, undisturbed, forgotten until he got out of this slump. 

—-

Taking out his wrath, all that unbridled anger on the sinners he was meant to help through their hard times was something he had been able to control. Joseph guided his hands for months up until he could keep his calm and do what had to be done properly. Now he said screw it. He was going to have some fun. 

From now on John began placing tape over each sinner’s mouth, preventing them from saying a word. That didn’t stop John from asking them to say yes, jabbing them with knives when they didn’t speak, then again they couldn’t. That was sort of the point. It let John do whatever the hell he wanted. 

That day John stayed silent as he rummaged around on his workbench, tool box opened and overspilling with the new weapons he bought. He had an idea. Something he hasn’t done yet, it’s only ever been imagined, speculated. It just always seemed too harsh no matter the situation. Now his anger impeded his judgement. 

The chair was tipped back, switched from an office swivel chair and into a splintered old wooden one. The sleek, black office chair reminding him too much of the deputy and proving to be far too comfortable. 

The wood slamming into the ground punched the air from her lungs, causing a grunt to fall from her lips. Her name started with an ‘A’...Alyssa, Alicia…? Did it matter?

He whistled, ‘You Are My Sunshine’, relevant considering what he was going through. A white rag was tossed over her face and he poured a steady stream of water over it. Waterboarding. An old method of torture that worked like a charm. It was brutal, something that seemed more Jacob’s methods than his. Jacob was the mean one, the unreasonable one. Not anymore. 

He had crouched down so he could see her face contort under the cloth. “I’m getting real sick and tired of having to deal with you guys. And now with that damn attack...well, I suppose I’ll have more of you than I can handle, because you are all sinners and will need my help reaching atonement. It’s really stressing me out, my days will be filled with confessions soon. And that means that I’ll have to amp up my tactics to make this process go a little quicker.” 

John late the last drops of water splatter on her and ripped the rag away. She gasped and sputtered behind the binding, on the cusp of life. The duct tape was torn away, already peeling at the edges from the wetness. “So, whaddya say?” 

“Yes.” 

—-

He didn’t use his tattoo gun anymore. Always his knife. He’d carve the sin into their skin, they would suffer from the pain that a blade would bring. The opened flesh hurt way more than any ink would. It would hurt them up until the day of their atonement when he would peel back their flesh and brandish it to the heavens. 

They all wiggled and cried out with each slash. Deep, jagged lines that dripped blood over the concrete floor. Sometimes the words barley looked like English with how haphazardly he wrote the letters. The more they squirmed the harder it was to make the written sin look coherent. Their fault, not his. 

Confessions somehow would always end with him having tears stream down his face. He wasn’t proud, he was so ashamed with who he was becoming. 

This happened on a daily basis with the sinners he had locked away deep underground. The fearsome Baptist suddenly got a worse reputation. He noticed right away how people would look at him when he walked in the door, how almost immediately they would say yes when he first gave them the chance. Which was now only one chance before he’d cover their mouths and have his fun. 

It annoyed him to no end how quickly the word spread around. Like a forest fire. 

Or the plague. 

He barely got a few words out before they’d cry yes. And he hadn’t even touched them. Five of these instances in a row and his anger was still there, not having any outlet. 

He broke down when he finished his last confession for the day. Stumbling out into his car to go home and he snapped. He was shaking and screaming and God he wanted to hurt someone. It needed to be justified right? He couldn’t roam the town and gun down some civilian on the side of the road. Joseph would have his head if he ever thought of that. 

The small pocket knife in his pocket felt heavy, he suddenly become painfully aware of its existence. 

In the back of his mind it alarmed him how he didn’t think twice about slashing into his own skin. His white shirt hadn’t been rolled up all the way, causing blood to deep into the cotton. That wasn’t going to come out anytime soon.

Eight times the blade sliced his flesh until the pain caught up with him and he was concerned that he might bleed out. The drive to his ranch was slow going, and that was entirely on purpose. He half hoped he’d die before he got there. He prayed that this could be the end to his suffering. Though it seemed like God had other plans.

He made it home, had ample time to stop the flow of blood and wrap it tightly in gauze. 

—-

It’d been three days since she was gone and each day he got worse. He was so scared. Maybe he would go to help his brothers and that new Faith take down the resistance. It would be much better than sitting around and wallowing in his sorrows. Take his mind off it all. 

The next day and John didn’t get up at all. He lied there and answered no one. He couldn’t remember the last time he stayed in bed all day. Didn’t he deserve that luxury? In fact, he deserved having the deputy’s concerned voice calling him and asking where he was. She was sweet like that. Actually cared. Accepted all of him, even all the broken parts. He never told her of his past, but he was aware that people talked. He knew that the people spoke of him and his brothers. It made him smile to think she never shied away from him after knowing who he truly was. 

Christ, he didn’t even know her name and he loved her. That was his fault wasn’t it? He wanted to be a better man to her, told himself she was different but in reality he didn’t even have the decency to ask her what her name was. 

A sharp knock downstairs made him jolt from his thoughts. They’d go away. A pillow was pressed over his ear, frowning when he heard his door slam shut. Who in their right mind would barge in his home so brazenly? He’d have their head, teach them a lesson.

Maybe it was his deputy. She would walk in like that. She’d crawl through the goddamn window knowing he’d let her get away with it. 

John got out of bed so fast he stepped on his sunglasses and slammed his shoulder into the door frame. His footsteps pounded on the wood, he waited at the top of the staircase, wide grin accompanied with a confident stance. 

“Hey Johnny.” Jacob sounded broken, as bad as John looked. 

He skulked back into his room, ignoring his brother’s calls. Stupid. He was so stupid for even assuming things would go his way. Why couldn't he get it through his head that she was dead? He saw it himself, the entirety of Hope County did.

The bed accepted him once again as he fell face down on the pillow, which was starting to indent to the shape of his head. He’d have to buy new ones soon. These were ruined from days of him neglecting to run them through the wash, they were soaked from his sweat.

“Johnny, I’m talking to you.”

“Mm.”

“You coming with us to kill the resistance?”

“Why not? Sure. You’re doing in my region. Can’t avoid it.” 

Jacob’s boots scuffed the floor as he walked closer. The bed dipped when sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s rough. I know. But we’ve got work to do. We can’t just lie around all day…”

“I’ve been working non-stop. Now I’m resting. Fuck off.”

“You’re not the only one suffering. We all miss her. We all wish she was here with us.” 

John squirmed to sit next to his older brother. Jacob tossed an arm around his shoulder and kissed the crown of his head. Just like when they were kids. The action made John let out a tiny sob. “She held me like this one night. I baptized her and I-I fell asleep in h-her lap.”

“Shh. I know. Everywhere I look I can’t forget her. It’s the small things that get me. Something she touched or made some petty comment about that reminds me of her.”

“Jacob?”

“Yeah?”

“Joseph, is he…?”

“Bout to go check on him right now. Haven’t seen or talked to him yet. You take care of yourself Jonny.”

John breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Jacob leave. The door crashed shut and he went back to his position curled up in a ball. He subconsciously tugged his long sleeves down further. Jacob hadn’t mentioned his rumpled clothes and he didn’t notice the peaks of bandages that covered the slits in John’s skin. For that he was thankful, couldn’t deal with Jacob’s psychological analyzing. He’d steer clear of Joseph for now, he was more perceptive. Right now he wanted Rook to care for him, not his brothers. 

He was a mess. That shouldn’t be dawning on him right now, should’ve known he was headed towards a downward spiral the moment he cut himself to take out his anger. 

The next day, Thursday, four days before the attack, he went straight to baptizing people. He did each one with vigor. Holding them under the water until they were kicking violently, thrashing in his hold. He even killed one of them. Held him under for too long. No one questioned John as he let the man’s body float away in the river. People barely spoke to John anymore, the slightest of things made him flip. 

On Saturday he took back four of his outposts, it made him realize how weak they were when his men moved in with ease. These people killed the woman who was their foundation. Who made them strong. Fucking idiots. 

Sunday was confessions, he used a hot knife to burn the skin of three sinners, all of them said yes when he eventually removed the gags from their mouths and let them talk. The next two had electric pads taped to their skin. He stood in the corner of the room and watched them scream. They said yes too. He should’ve done this sooner, much more effective. Joseph was wrong with his talk of love. If he were a kind man then not nearly as many people would come to him. If the deputy was by his side she might’ve coerced him into being nicer, that time was over though. 

Monday morning came and it was the first day since Rook was killed that John woke up on time. He dressed just like he used to. Spent extra time with his appearance. Pretended like he was getting ready to see the deputy, it made it easier. He felt as if he was finally putting this all to rest. That after this he could go back to being the baptist everyone knew. Calming and energetic. Easy smiles and house parties where hundreds filled the yard. That’s why he ironed out his blue button up and made sure he shoes were clean enough so he could see his reflection in them. This was the end. He could forget the woman he loved ever existed after tonight and just move on. As much as it wounded him he knew it would do no good to stay in the past. 

It’d be a good day.


	2. Chapter 2

Joseph emerged from the church three hours later after seeing the TV broadcast. He preached on his compound for hours that day while his flock gathered around him in a small circle. Ever present whenever he opened his mouth. 

The way he preached was magnifying, bordering on enigmatic. His crazed ramblings were usually so composed, yet right then he was anything but. The Father stood with hair loose from his bun, glasses tight around his white knuckled grip and sweat speckled on his chest. A smile wavered on his face, switching between anger he tried to hold back and a terrible sadness that gripped his heart and made him want to be as far away from here as possible. The hands of his people were grasped and pulled into tight hugs. His love was spread the best he could as he tried to mask the pain. 

He spoke of his faith, let everyone know of his doubts and fears. In this time of grievances he let his people know of the rough times that laid ahead, of the sinners who were right outside their walls and who were closing in fast. Fear was an amazing motivator. Joseph told of how these sinners were like a pack of starving tigers ready for the feast to begin. He let them know how they must strike first. The ending of his impromptu sermon left him panting for breath, heaving in lungfuls of air. He adjusted his jeans the way one would with a wrinkled shirt and took off outside the gates of his compound. 

The retreat into the nearby forest of his island helped him cool down. Allowed for a chance to come back down into his mind and get a grip on reality. The one thing he was truly looking for was the voice, desperately he needed some kind of sign that would help him move forward. Because as of now he wasn’t sure what to do. How would he continue life in the way he wanted when he thought he would spend the rest of his time on earth with the deputy? 

Nothing was brought with him when he made his way into the wild. Just him and the land. A trip that would set his troubled thoughts at ease. Joseph wanted God to see his struggle, how he was willing to risk death if it meant he would receive guidance. That’s how far he would go. He would give his life for John and Jacob. They might not know it, but he’d do it in a heartbeat. 

He spent days out there, tracking the passing hours the best he could from the sun. Joseph had been homeless in his past, knew how to survive, make do with what little he had. 

Water was easy to find when he surveyed Hope County thousands of times, he knew this place like the back of his hand. Food was more of a challenge. Three days in and he was starting to lose it. The ground wasn’t rough or covered in twigs, yet every other step had him trip over his own feet. The bugs had descended upon him and were sucking him dry. Landing on his flesh and leaving small bite marks. It didn’t deter him, this was as important as Faith’s pilgrimage. He had to prove himself. 

Hunger pains gnawed at him, twice he almost toppled off the side of a cliff into the roaring rapids below. 

Two days later he heard the voice. So sweet, whispering close to his ear when he felt like he was on the verge of death. It spoke of things that didn't make any sense. The life that he would have with his brothers and the deputy. He shook his head rapidly. The voice had never been wrong, he had always listened to it. Trusted in it when there was no one else who could provide comfort. But this...this was far fetched. He’d have to tell someone nonetheless. That was the job he has as The Father. 

An hour from now when he emerged from the woods his flock would help him as soon as he stumbled out looking emaciated, ready to collapse. He would tell them all of what greatness lied ahead. Of how their lamb would help guide them, no matter how improbable it seemed. 

Joseph couldn’t keep the smile off his face when he thought of telling his brothers. They’d be elated.

—-

“Joseph, I haven’t seen you in a week and you’ve already lost your mind.”

“But I heard the voice Jacob. It’s been so long and I heard it delivering another message.”

“No.” Jacob snapped, hands clenched by his side. “Stop with that fucking nonsense. And don’t you dare tell John. You’ll get his hopes up and then he won’t be as willing to trust you when she doesn’t rise up from the dead.”

Joseph closed his eyes for a second, his mind felt warped. Had he lost his brothers now? Didn’t they have faith, believe him in the very least? 

“Look Joe.” Jacob’s hand reached out as if to hold his head, offer some comfort. But he hesitated, palm faced towards him. “We saw her die.” Whispered like a secret. As if the whole of Hope County didn’t know. 

“We didn’t see it. It was implied. And facts cannot be drawn from implications.” Joseph’s voice raised as Jacob walked away from him. “John said that once.”

“Yeah. When he was still a fucking lawyer and those words applied.”

Joseph gritted his teeth. “I won’t get angry with you Jacob. I’ll still accept you when it turns out I am right.”

Jacob laughed. Hands carding through his hair as he gazed at Joseph. The man didn’t look too different from a few weeks ago. He didn’t sound different either. And at that moment he realized how much he resented his brother. He saw John, saw how he was grieving. Like a normal person. He was thankful for that, it was refreshing to see that John was capable of feeling love so great that he was wounded. Hell, even Jacob could admit he was having a rough time. But Joseph was composed and that pissed him off. It would do him no good to pretend those fallacies would come true. 

He slammed the door shut when he left Joseph alone, standing in the middle of his room with his hands limp at his side.

—-

It was of late notice that Joseph was informed of when they were to go siege the resistance. Jacob had it all set up. Where they would sit and watch the mass chaos. A beautiful place that looked over the entire valley. It would be a wonderful setting and a good time with his brothers despite the circumstances. 

Joseph rose early the day Jacob had offered to swing by and grab him. He showered longer than usual. Letting the warm water wash over him and ease the tension out of his muscles. He hadn’t been too overworked, only plagued by the things his head conjured up. It was taxing. 

So the shower was a welcomed joy.

This was an important time for Eden’s Gate, but looking his best wasn’t on his mind. He wanted his flesh bare. Open to the world for all of the people to see his sins. He thumbed over the buckle he had, a display of the project that made him smile before he tossed open his door with arms thrown wide. 

It’d be a good day.


	3. Chapter 3

Jacob had nightmares. Has always had them, flipping between vague memories of his father’s belt, the war he fought in and the newest addition being the video he had to witness where the barrel of a gun was pressed to the deputy’s temple. It was a haunting thing he had to live with, a part of his life that was kept under lock and key lest he send someone running for not wanting to carry his burden. And he never blamed the people who deemed it too much to handle. Most nights it was too much for him to deal with as well. 

Jacob wasn’t necessarily afraid of intimacy, as of late he craved it, but in the past he had always strayed from sharing a bed with someone. He didn’t want to disturb anyone while he thrashed around with screams that caused him to wake most times. He especially didn’t want to see the pity they held. He feared they would push him for answers. Demand he spill his secrets in the night between them. He’s never trusted someone enough for that. Then Rook waltzed into his life with her drunken, staggering state, arms pushed out in front of her looking for a way home. Seeking him out when she wondered by his purely by chance that night his sister was killed. He’s told that woman time and time again over taunts on the radio, that he was her proper home, and that night he proved it when he slept with her, she didn’t run when she saw the scars and burns that littered his back and chest. She gave Jacob an urge to let her in. Allow her to sleep by his side and hear the dismal tale he was ashamed was his life. 

The lack of sleep made him weary throughout the day. The gait he had that normally exuded confidence was gone. Replaced by the husk of a man, the only thing keeping everyone in line, captives included, being the reputation he worked up over the years. Besides, on a good day no one would fuck with him, on a bad day they were terrified he’d flip. See red. Of course he knew he wouldn’t, wasn’t like his youngest brother. He could control his anger. They didn’t need to know that though. Jacob would yawn and speak a tad slower when lecturing prisoners through the bars of their cages. He caught their saddened expressions of a few of them when they saw how he was broken, they saw weakness and it made him grind his teeth together. After all he’s done some of them still felt sorry for him. 

He’d stay up all night on his balcony, cigarette dangling from his fingers, until the sun peaked up over the mountains. It was a flurry of movements to get things ready, to get prepared. That’s the scene he’d watch below him as the world began to wake up. It was a nice distraction. His fingers would idly twirl the assortment of things hanging around his neck. It didn’t smell anything like the Deputy from the night she wore them, but just the thought that she touched them made him feel more calm. 

It would get better. The sleepless nights and the faraway look in his eyes would go away eventually. It was the same kind of hollowness he felt when he thought he would never see his brothers again. A bitter tang in the back of his throat akin to when he ate Miller and made his sacrifice. The same empty tug into the abyss when he came home from war and wondered what the purpose his life held. It never fully went away, but it became manageable, he knew this feeling wouldn't last forever. For now it was a part of his life that his soldiers had to witness. He tried to escape their prying gaze, go hunting or help the team of people who were supposed to transport items for him. Anything to run from his demons. 

Jacob found ways to quell the rampant thoughts in his head. Ranging from completely harmless to destructive enough to kill him if he didn’t stop soon. 

Whenever anxiety struck him hard and made him freeze up with fear he would clean his weapons, the knives that lined his belt and the reddened guns he brandished. It gave him something to do with his hands. He’d carry a dirty rag in the back pocket of his jeans like some trucker down south. When he couldn’t sleep is when he’d get between all the ridges in the soles of his shoes and make them spotless. Strolling around the cages he’d brush the speckled blood off his knife, staring down the broken people before him. Pretending it was an intimidation tactic when it actually became a nervous habit. 

Other times he’d pop something in his mouth, like the pen he now carried in his jacket pocket that soon became chewed beyond recognition. He even wasted money on sticks of gum. Some deathly sweet bubblegum shit that Faith or John would love. Jacob never had much of a sweet tooth. The man had to keep his muscles and sugary treats wouldn’t help. Now that theory was thrown to the wind with each bright pink segment he’d pop in his mouth. Despite all that he had to admit it was better than the pot and tobacco he started again. He didn’t need Joseph riding his ass on the awful effects of addiction. He’s heard all the sermons for a lifetime and didn’t care for a lecture like he was a teenage boy. 

The days blurred together. The lapse in his schedule only coming in once when he checked in on his brothers. The visit served to either depress him further or simply piss him off and he quickly came to regret trying to care for them like he always did, he should let them grieve. Hopefully they’d come back to themselves and this whole thing will be a distant memory. A hitch in their timeline. 

The day to attack came quicker than he anticipated. He didn’t sleep last night, nothing new. He ruffled his hair into a more appropriate style so it didn’t look like he had been suffering for weeks. The clothes he wore were no different, he wanted this to be another normal day. 

His men were awake and ready at the crack of dawn just as he asked. Vans and trucks lined the area leading outside his compound. They had been loaded the day before so they could leave right away. He was a punctual man. Lists were checked one last time to make sure they had everything and Jacob, with final orders on where to go, hopped behind the wheel of his personal car to pick up Joseph and John. The rest of his men would be setting up to storm the city of Falls End, from there they would push outward, separating themselves into teams to move in each of the cardinal directions. Slowly, over the course of a few weeks they would take back Holland Valley. 

Each outpost and bunker would belong to them again. Every single person would atone and be brought into the fold. There wouldn’t be a lingering soul that didn’t belong to the project. Eventually, when the time's right they would move to the Henbane then the Mountains. He held onto the hope that they would run across where the deputy had been. 

In a few hours him and his brothers would be standing on a large plateau. John with his head in his hands while Jacob sat next to him with a pair of binoculars pressed to his eyes. Joseph would pray on and off, half coherent ramblings falling from his lips as Jacob clutched tight to his dog tags to stop himself from running down there and demanding answers. 

It’d be a good day

—-

They stormed the place the way only trained soldiers knew how. It was the best of the best leading the pack and protecting their flank. Chosen and men that had trained with Jacob since the beginning. 

They’ve been given orders not to kill. Their guns were filled with bliss bullets, their belts substituted grenades for tear gas and flashbangs. Handcuffs, ropes and zip ties lined their pockets. Trucks waited for when this was all over to transport the prisoners out of the small town. Jacob was well organized. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t intend to lose. 

It was a long, arduous process. Not only did they have to go through the streets and buildings, but they needed to check if anyone was hiding in attics or underground. There could be dozens of places to run off to in an event like this. Bunkers were very common in Hope County. 

The two tanks they managed to acquire rolled in, shaking the earth and tearing up the roads. Them being rarely used made them more effective to scaring the shit out of everyone. You know the war you’re fighting gets serious when the opposing side has tanks. They would never fire. It would cause too much collateral damage and kill so many. It was just for show. After all, no one’s going to stare down that hunk of metal and think they’ll win. 

—-

It wasn’t a good day. 

Nope. No way in hell was this a good day. Quite the opposite. This was fucking insanity. 

All that was visible were twisting hallways that were beyond dusty with the soft yellow, barely there, kind of glow from emergence lights. They illuminated a few steps ahead before a large patch of darkness would be shown from how far apart they were placed. 

Down in the bunker you could hear each gunshot and feel the pounding footsteps above them. Shouts and screams came through clearly, like they were right by your ear. 

They were under attack. Or the world was ending. With the large rumbling it sounded like the earth was splitting in two. 

Left 

Right

Left

Right

The pounding of a heartbeat and the rushing of blood was a distraction. The cluttered cement floor was hard to see. It was absolutely terrifying. Left too much up to luck when it came to not tripping. They were going to find this place soon. Everyone down here we’re going to die. No way was Eden’s Gate (because who else would it be?) would take prisoners. 

She whimpered. Collapsing to the ground when she heard angry men shouting. She could cry with relief. They’d save her. Tears were already crowding her eyes as she stumbled forward. Hands against the wall to keep her up. 

With all the chaos and the clothes that hid her identity, no one gave her a second glance as she walked closer to who she assumed were Jacob’s trained soldiers. 

When she caught sight of them she froze. A primal fear made her want to run, maybe find some pipe or shovel and take them out. But they were on the same side. Probably had orders to get her out.

“Stop! On the ground now!”

What?

“On the ground. Hands behind your head.”

She laughed nervously, going to her stomach slowly, gaze on them the entire time. This was just protocol. They’d see who she was and would realize their mistake.

That didn’t happen. Zip ties bound her wrists together roughly and she was yanked up with little care. She’d no doubt have bruises tomorrow. 

“Wait. This is a mistake.” She flailed in the strong man’s arms as he pulled her into the light of day. He ignored her. Angry face drawn. “I’m the deputy, I’m sure the Seeds are looking for me.” 

“Save it.” He scoffed. Pointed glare making her bite her tongue. 

“But—“ The Deputy was shoved in a line leading up to the back of a van. No. Too reminiscent to the time John tried to take her to him. She turned and stepped towards him, she wasn’t sure exactly what she planned on doing without the use of her arms or any weapons.

The gun he had was lifted to lock on her head. “One less of you sinners doesn’t mean shit to me. I don’t care if I have to shoot you. Stay in line.”

She faltered, a sob coming out of her. Maybe going in the van wouldn’t be too bad. It was the same thing John used and they were in his region. They could be going to see the Baptist himself, after all that soldier called her a sinner. They needed John.

She needed them all. 

“I’ll remember your face! You’ll be sorry when Joseph catches wind of this!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- Imagine Dragons: Natural

The bumpy car ride had her on edge. The small benches inside the back of the van were crammed full, forcing them to sit shoulder to shoulder. The space was sweaty and hot. Spending her time underground with people who distrusted her and wanted her dead meant that she was covered in dirt, hadn't showered in days and the lack of food she had received was close to what Jacob gave his prisoners. She looked the worst out of all of them.

The tension in the car was palpable, making her flinch at the slightest sound. The Peggies were not kind, half the time they never were, it wasn't anything new. Though this time around they were angrier, ready to snap. Fingers placed precariously over the triggers of their rifles.

The deputy kept her eyes closed, head bent between her legs. She’d keep her anonymity for now. Lest she have any more encounters with unhappy Peggies who would gladly volunteer to shoot her dead. Eventually she'd have to run into one of the Seeds. She had a few more bruises and cuts than before her capture, she wanted to spin this tale in her head, thinking of a heartfelt reunion. That wouldn't help, she knew how dangerous daydreaming like that could be. She needed to stay focused, but she was weak. Starved and scared. She let her battered body sway with the motions of the road. Glancing up briefly she saw two similarly colored cars behind them. They brought the whole town to....where were they going?

Leaning forward to look through the small windows in the doors she saw the winding road and barbed wire fence that she could recall from Joseph’s compound. That was perfect. She bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling. She’d be safe here, in familier hands.

They were herded like farm animals. Long assembly lines that separated them to different regions. She tried to keep track of it all, to see who was going to which herald. Which fate they'd be condemned to. Pick your poison right? She could say goodbye to those going to Jacob or Faith. Most people didn't make it through the trials and no doubt everyone in the Henbane would be turned into Angels. It made John seem like a saint in comparison.

Everywhere she looked she tried to find Joseph. Her head was on a constant swivel, turning around and standing on tiptoes to find the man in the large crowd. Why wasn't he here? This was a pretty damn important moment for Eden’s Gate.

When it was too late she realized where she was being tossed into. Jacob. In a few hours she would be locked in a cage. Starved and put through endless mind games. That would be after the chair of course. She was shaking from fear, her heart was racing. Last time she was in the chair the soldier was there himself, but now with all these people would he really have the time to give the same speech to all of them?

It was another car, larger this time around. Allowed for more wiggle room when they didn't cram it completely.

Before shutting the doors on them a large amount of bliss was poured into the space. It made them bleary, weak. Her eyes were shut and she was in her own world before the car had even started.

She was strapped to the chair, even in her blissed out state she recognized the place where she first met Eli. This time she wouldn't be as lucky. The straps keeping her secure made it impossible to move. They bit into her skin, leaving bruises in their wake. That didn't stop her from squirming, yanking at the material that bound her down.

Everything dipped and faded in and out of view, making it hard to see the faces around her. Three others were sitting in chairs the same as her, heads thrown back with a leather strap across it, keeping their eyes locked on the screen playing in front of them. The pictures shown were exactly how she remembered them, and with a jolt she realized that the voice she was starting to hear was Jacob’s. She spent longer than she’d like to admit looking around for the man. A whine trapped in her throat. It was coming from a speaker on the wall. A pre recorded message. The other captives in here with her were thankful for that fact, not her. It meant being conditioned all over again. Running through that damn obstacle course and killing things that only existed in her mind. She wasn’t afraid, she knew she would pass, she was just exhausted.

Her head thrashed and all her muscles contracted as Jacob’s speech came to an end and some music began to play. It wasn’t Only You, no, he used that song for her as some sick joke. Just so later on when she shot Eli dead he could tell her it was only ever her. He left patting himself on the back for that one no doubt. This time around she caught the first few lyrics before she dipped into unconscious.

_Nothing ever comes without a cost or consequence_

_Will heaven step in? will it save us from our sin? Cause this house of mine stands strong_

_That's the price you pay_

_Rather be the hunter than the prey_

_Cause you're a natural, a beating heart of stone_

_You gotta be so cold to make it in this world_

_Living your life cutthroat_

The haze of red, the feeling of a gun in her hand, it was muscle memory at this point. Point, pull the trigger, then came the praise. This time it looked different though. And of course it would. Before it mimed the Wolf’s Den, killing Eli. Now...as she ran the course her eyes memorized it all, looking for any landmarks, anything she could relate to the world outside of Jacob’s conditioning.

Trees and turned over cars acted as her only means of cover. It was a heavily wooded area. When she spent too much time behind something, unmoving as her brain struggled to catch up, there'd be a harsh reprimand that caused her to flinch. It wasn't real, but it sure was Jacob’s gruff voice. It spurred her forward. If just to hear how impressed he got when she did something right. His words made her brain alight with pleasure.

Her foot caught on a root when she was running full speed, taking the challenge head on. It sent her down, spiraling over a guardrail protecting cars from careening off the side of the road. She felt twigs catch in her hair, rocks plunged into the soft skin of her stomach. She let herself go limp, let gravity run its course and treat her like a rag doll. Flailing around would mean more injuries.

At the last second she tried to push off of the steep mountain, to at least land on her feet. Her ankle twisted painfully, not ready for the sudden stop in motion. She pressed her arms in front of her face, trying to protect herself from getting a sharp stick prodded into her eye or neck. When she flopped to the ground, gun surprisingly held in her grasp she immediately moved to push herself up. Time was ticking down, Jacob was taunting her, and her life was on the line here. She needed to pass the first trial.

The burst of pain sprouting across her midsection caused her to stop moving. She tried to sit up, to prop herself up on her elbows to see what was wrong. Another stinging sensation made her feet tingle and sparks of white fill her vision. On her back, panting, her hands moved around and felt a large rod jutting out through her abdomen. Blood was pooling out on the floor around her, staining the dirt and soaking her shirt.

_Push through the pain, keep your eye on the time_

A sob clawed it’s way out from her throat as she struggled to get up. She heard the shouting voices of the faux Peggies above her. Even if she managed to pull the metal of out her skin who's to say she wouldn't bleed out or that she would be able to climb her way up before time ran out and she was sucked back into the real world.

_Get up_

She closed her eyes tight, pretended that this wasn't happening, and technically it wasn't. There would be repercussions when this was over. They would kill her. She hoped they would make it quick.

_Time’s up_

She never failed one of his simulations before, so she wasn't expecting to feel as if every atom in her body was being pulled apart in the most gruesome of ways. The splitting headache made her shake violently, her fingers curled into tight fists as pain overrode her entire body until it dialed down to a pinpoint.

When she came out of it she noticed how badly she was sweating. One person was hefting her light frame, dragging her to the end of a long line of people. Presumably those who failed like her. Their cries bounced off the long corridor walls, making her wince. She didn't realize the man left her side until her knees began clacking together and she almost collapsed.

The line moved fast, with the efficiency  only Jacob could force his men into mastering. “First and last name.” Her head was kept down, she felt ashamed. The deputy of Hope County hadn’t passed the test. Though she doubted anyone recognized her from all those months ago.

“Taylor Montega.”

“Age.”

“25.”

She risked a glance up through her long hair to see what he was writing down. He typed blindingly fast on a laptop next to him and wrote the information she just told him down on a pad of paper. Her name filled in the last column. The Peggie tore off the paper, handing it to a woman holding a gun over his shoulder. “You know the drill. This goes to Jacob.”

The woman shook her head but took it anyway. “Yeah, we’re trying, sent some messengers out to give him the other two lists and we can’t get a hold of him. The last we’ve heard of him is that he's busy and will deal with this early tomorrow morning.”

The deputy’s eyes watered and her body shook. What are the chances Jacob would see the list that had her name on it before she was culled? Did he even know her name? “C’mon, let’s move.” Taylor’s arm was held in a tight grip by the woman. The piece of paper folded and placed in her pocket. “Where'd they get you?”

“Huh?”

“Jacob’s on a warpath with his brothers, going all over Holland Valley, where were you when they caught you.”

“Falls End.” She whispered it softly like a secret. The small town she came to love was destroyed and belonged to Eden’s Gate.

“For what it's worth, I'm sorry.”

That made Taylor jolt out of her reverie. “You’re sorry.” Dead intonation, disbelief thick on her tongue. 

“Mhm. Leading you to your death, not a fun job.”

Taylor bit her cheek, stopping a snarky reply. Then again, did it even matter? She might earn a couple bruises and a split lip. But she was going to die anyway, who cares if she disrespected this woman.

They rounded a corner, the hallways were bathed in a warm light with red carpeting. The walls were made of wooden panels, taxidermied animals hung around the place. Most likely caught by the soldier himself.

“How do they do it? How are you guys gonna kill me? Is it quick?”

The Peggie hummed lighly, considering. She probably never told anyone this, but she was talking to a dead woman, so that secret would go with her to the grave.

“It's not always done in the same way. Sometime Judges or a syringe filled with some kind of poison, think its the same shit they use on the inmates on death row. Occasionally, depending on who they are, Jacob makes an exemple out of ‘em, makes it a public affair. The weakest, the ones who can barely stand are used in Jacobs training facility, target practice for the newbies.”

“What's the worst way to go?” She wasn't sure why she was asking, maybe a sense of morbid curiosity that was gnawing at her. Like when you see a car crash on the side of the road and everyone is compelled to look.

“Easy. You could get sent to the bossman himself. You see, when your death is public he has an Edens Gate member do it. But you could go straight to him, he’d have you all to himself. Don’t know what he does to people, especially pretty things like you, so don't ask.” Another corner rounded in silence. A door was pushed open to the outside world. Three more vans waited, people jammed inside them.

Taylor kept her mouth firmly shut when she was pushed towards the center van, helped up by the woman who had led her here. “No cuffs?”

The woman snorted. “You failed the test, you're not strong.” A pause as guilt washed over her face. “That's what Jacob says, no reason to restrain you if you didn’t pass. You're too weak to overpower us.” The white doors slammed shut. Keeping her inside with the stale air.

This time around there was no way to look outside to track where she was going. The five people in the car with her kept to themselves, all dazed. In shock. There was no way to see who the driver was. She prayed to whatever Gods and Goddess’ she could think of that Jacob was in the car. That she would see him before she was about to get killed.

————————

The dirt felt as if it was seeping into her pores. It filled every hole, made her hair caked with grease and tangled with knots as she continuously fisted it back away from her face. The bars of the cage made a light imprint on her forehead where she was resting it. The small space was filled with about ten other people, all whining and moaning. Filled with complaints that she was too tired to voice. The trials had been rougher than she expected. It was new, different, way more challenging. It left her body sore and her mind numb. Too numb to care that the Peggies were tossing in food and watching the blood bath they were creating. She wasn't strong enough to win that fight. She let her disinterested gaze roam around the yard. The cages were being loaded with people, truckloads arriving every few hours to hand off more people who came back from the chair. Each of them looking as if they got into a fight with Jacob and lost.

She felt as if she went three rounds with him herself. The cuts in her skin were probably going to get infected with how the mud scrubbed into the open wounds. That was the last of her concern with how she grew hungrier each day. At first she was simply refusing to fight for the scraps of food that was tossed in but now she was too weak for it to even be a choice anymore. She had to lie with the bodies of the fallen, the ones who got killed in the tussle or died of starvation. They’d be dragged out soon. The smell of rotting flesh mixed in with their body odor. Death had a specific scent that she was starting to get sick of. Though at this point she didn’t have any food to throw up.

This would be where she died, after all she did to prove herself, she would die curled up in the corner of this tiny cage where the number of people dwindled. Fate was cruel like that.


	5. Chapter 5

Jacob was drowning in a mess of paperwork. His hands were fisting chunks of his hair, yanking tight to distract from the sinking feeling in his heart. All this work, he hadn’t imagined it would be this difficult. Joseph was sitting pretty, delivering sermons while the rest of his family struggled to deal with the influx of new recruits. John had similar complaints that Jacob couldn’t think about right now. Not when he hadn’t even walked through the yard to check on who he had to kill among those who he would be seeing shortly for the next few weeks in cages as they went through the last two trials. 

A blessing in disguise Joseph had told him. Said that now Eden’s Gate was expanding, that Jacob had more soldiers and Faith and more Angels and there were less sinners plaguing the area for John to deal with. Jacob huffed at that rolling his eyes. He had stormed off when Joseph went into how the deputy was just around the corner. That their lives weren’t over. Bunch of bullshit. 

He prioritized going into the segregated part of the yard that held those that failed, if he got these ones out of the way then he wouldn’t have to cram them to ten people a cage. 

He knew he looked stressed out. Wrinkled clothes, bags under his eyes, a slower gait. Not a good image, but who would dare question him? 

He let his gaze roam over the pitiful people in front of him who were scheduled to die. It would be quick and simple, firing squad. Lined up against the wall. That made his job a hell of a lot easier.

“Jacob!” The voice came from one of the cages he passed. Sounding weak, the girl had to be in a terrible condition judging by how her words caught in her throat. “J-Jacob.” He was too busy talking to one of his men, uncaring to her cries. It was common for the captives to do this, and normally he’d entertain them. Not now though, too much on his plate. He liked moments like that, just to mess with them, exert his power. 

He turned on his heel, to walk the way he came in, head pointed in the other direction from whoever was trying to get his attention. Done purposely as he focused on what he men were saying. 

The leg of his jeans was tugged on, almost making him trip. His steps faltered and he shook his leg violently, he didn’t have time for games. The hand dropped, weak. He didn’t even make it two steps before that same voice rang out over the chatter, sounding much more lively. 

“For fuck’s sake you stupid son of a bitch just come here!” 

The men walking by his side stopped dead in their tracks just like he did. Their faces paled. 

His hand brought out his knife, twirling it around and running over the smooth metal. Killing one now wouldn’t make any difference. He spun around, taking confident steps. The ratty girl on the floor was lying in a heap of limbs, he’d be doing her a favor really. 

The prisoners in her cage scuttled to the other corner as he approached. He grabbed her by her shirt, torn and dirty, his knife dug into the soft skin of her neck as he wrenched her head up. “Got something you wanna say?” 

“That’s the greeting I get after all this time? Thought you’d be glad to see me?” Jacob searched her eyes, the slope of her nose and the shape of her high cheekbones. He felt his heart stutter as his brain short circuited. 

“Pup?”

“Mhm.” She looked as if she was five seconds from dropping dead. His hands, now turning into a gentler touch, was all that was keeping her up. 

Jacob barked orders to his men to unlock the cage, he strode in, not looking at the scared and confused expressions of the people around them. She melted into his touch, whimpering when her nose pressed into his neck. 

He held back tears until he made it to his office. Breaking down behind closed doors while he held her. She cradled his face as if he was the one who just endured hell. He was too afraid to ask what happened, how his strong pup resorted to the broken woman shaking in front of him.

It didn’t matter, he decided a second later when she let him kiss her softly, over and over again until she was laughing and crooning at his display of affection. “Have to call Joe and John.” Another kiss, devoid of harshness. “Let em know to throw a goddamn party. Tell them I’m staring at a fucking ghost.” 

The deputy shook her head, eyes blown wide when he pulled away from her. “Let me get clean, first impressions and all that.” He blinked once. Twice. She was serious. Behind the pain she was obviously feeling she had managed to say that with a straight face. 

He suddenly laughed through the haze of tears. Only his girl would be that stubborn, he knew he couldn’t fight her on that request. That even if he tried she would break down all his walls and make him plaint. She was the only woman who he’d let do that to him any day of the week and with great pleasure. 

“Anything Deputy. Anything at all.”


	6. Chapter 6

She tussled to get out of her clothes, pulling the dirty, torn items off of her, wincing when it clung to her skin. Jacob was on her in an instant, hands roving, checking every inch of her body, placing kisses where there were small cuts and scratches. His beard itched her stomach, her hips, then her inner thigh. God, she missed that feeling. When he stood to his full height she leaned into his chest, inhaling his scent. “Wanna get clean or are we gonna stand here acting all sappy and romantic?” She scoffed, hitting his bicep. It’d take time to find his soft side, the one that produced a smile so rare she’d have to take a picture of it just so she could remember each detail. That was something she knew going into this mess of a relationship, he didn’t trust easy, didn’t bare his soul easy either. That wasn't really his thing, she'd have better luck with Joseph.

Without a further word she gripped onto his hand to lead him into his bathroom. A cracker box with a glass cage that had began to rust around the edges. It would do, she would gladly use his crappy products that left her hair greasier than when she got under the water. He wasn’t the showy kind. Functionality over anything else. One more thing she came to love about the man. 

The room filled with steam, the smell of oranges filled the room, mingled with that generic scent when she rose the bar of soap to her skin. The suds slipped down her body, along with Jacob’s large hands. Rubbing the dirt away, careful when he passed over the bruises she had gained. 

“It’s been too long.” Jacob rumbled in her ear, bending closer into her back as she arched into him. Her hands reached up to grip his hair, to pull him over her shoulder to press another kiss on his lips. 

She could feel the hard line of his cock against the curve of her ass. Yeah, he was right. It had been too long. 

“Fuck me Jake.” Rook panted out. Connecting their eyes then bumping their noses together. 

He let out a gruff laugh, drowned out by the sound of the shower. “Now? Right here when we’re trying to get you clean?” His hands slipped down the curves of her body, pulling her close to him. “Want me to get you all dirty pup?” He held her waist as she grinded back into him. “What about my brothers?”

“They’ll have their chance. Day’s still young. Please. I need this.” Her voice broke. Cracking at the end, making him wince with the neediness that he heard. 

Who was he to deny her? 

The calluses on his hand was something she missed. He was tentative, nothing at all like how she remembered. His lips were gentle, non biting. Kissing behind her ear then on her collarbone when he turned her around to cup at her breasts. Jacob dropped to his knees, more kisses and soft touches.

Her hands grabbed his face, forcing him to look up at her through the water that was beating down on them. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling them impossibly closer until there was no room left between them. Finally his head dipped down to lick at her folds, a teasing swipe that made her spread her legs further for him. He palmed at her ass, the other plunging into her right heat. He crooked his fingers, finding that sweet spot right away. At this point it was like muscle memory. 

When he pulled out he held up his fingers, coated in her juices. “This all for me?” She flushed. Something that didn't go unnoticed. Jacob laughed, soundy truly happy. “I've been 7 inches deep in you and you're getting all hot and bothered over this?”

Her head tipped forwards, eyes closed, a soft plea rising from her mouth. He dove between her again, going faster this time. Suddenly desperate to hear her screams. Soon she was wiggling from sensitivity, writhing as three fingers were up inside her. She clenched around him at a particularly rough thrust into her cunt. 

Jacob pulled out before she could cum. A whine slipped from her lips and she opened her eyes to see his fist wrapped tightly around himself. His eyelashes were soaked when he looked up at her. “Not in here.” He groaned when he stood, rolling his shoulders. “Too old for this shit, c’mere.” Jacob didn't waste time picking her up, carrying her to the bed and letting her drop. Focusing on how her breasts bounced.

She got on her hands and knees with little hesitation, arching her back and wiggling her hips to entice him. Not like he needed the encouragement. He was climbing on the bed instantly, grabbing at anywhere he could touch. 

Greedy. All the Seeds were guilty of the sin.

They prepped enough in the shower, he let himself shove into her immediately. Gasping at how she tightened around him. It's been a long time for both of them. He waited three beats before moving his hips. Letting a small ball of heat build up in her stomach until she was mewling, reaching behind her to run her hands through the happy trail she had grown to love. 

Now he was rough, instincts taking over. He grabbed at her wandering grasp. A snarl on his lips. “Don't recall saying you could touch me.” The way his voice dropped lower made her clench around him. He twisted her arm on her back, leaving her immobile. The weight he pushed into her had her drop into the sheets, face pressed sideways. 

He slammed into her, jolting her forward with the ferocity of a starved man. He kept up the pace until she was biting into the flesh of her arm to keep the noise down. Not like that did much considering how the bed slammed into the wall repeatedly. 

His hand dropped between them, spreading her folds and rubbing at her nub. Engorged and bright red. Needing attention. He was merciless, rubbing her past her first climax, driving her towards another one right away. The hand that was trapped on her lower back by his much larger one began to squirm. A desperate way to say stop. “Too much pup?” He was already pulling out, letting her flop onto her back, giving him perfect access to his mouth. He straddled her, let the tip of his cock rest on her lip.

Even with her eyes closed and her panting breaths she took him. Allowed him to thrust in and out shallowly. She struggled for half a second as he pushed deeper in. Her hands shot up to grip at his thick thighs when tears appeared at the corners of her eyes and drool pooled out of her mouth, making his cock slick. “What's wrong honey? Can't breathe?” He was grunting, flashes of pleasure crossing his face. But he still held that dominant tone, his whole aura screamed his was the alpha. Her alpha. Another thrust, one that made her gag, and he was spilling down her throat.

Jacob pulled out, leaning down to kiss her jaw and hold her close to his chest. The deputy let herself be cradled, figured she deserved this moment. “Wanna see Joseph and John.” She mumbled past a yawn.

“Now? Can't we sleep first? It’s early we’ve got time, they aren’t going anywhere.” Even as he said the words he knew what her answer was going to be. She’d waited long enough. 

The deputy shook her head, pushing away from him and going on her stomach to stretch her arms. 

 

He was weak for this woman, would do so much for her. Despite the veil of fatigue he saw the desperation on her face. She needed the men as much as food or water. ”Fine, let's go, c’mon.” He slapped her ass when he stood, taking pleasure in the whine she let out. 

\---------

Four hours later, after a power nap that she hadn’t meant to take plus the benefits of new clothes and a good meal, they rolled up to Seed ranch. It wasn’t dark yet, more like twilight. The sky had just begun to change into a beautiful array of colors. A mixture of pinks and oranges. The lights inside the ranch were off, painting the scenery black. Strange considering John was an energetic man. He was too plagued by his sin of sloth to laze around the house. The thought that something was wrong, that he had changed, or gotten depressed. That made her feel sick. 

Her eyes were focused on a window high off the ground that she could identify as John’s room, she could see him in her mind’s eye. The way he always took up too much room, sprawled out with limbs stretching out like he was claiming the space as he. How he would curl up next to her if she was lying in bed with him, never cold, the man was like a furnace, forcing his body heat onto her.

Her hands was already hovering above the door handle, jumping when Jacob squeezed her shoulder. “Easy. Don’t wake him when you jump into bed, he’s not much of a morning person.”

“You think he’ll be sleeping?”

Jacob bit into his lip, a nervous habit she didn’t think he had before. “Maybe. He hasn’t been doing too hot.” 

She nodded rapidly, way more concerned than before with Jacob confirming her worries. Jacob knew John better than anyone, she trusted his judgement. 

Tears were gathering in her eyes, blurring her vision of the Peggies who shot confused looks between her and Jacob. It’d be a challenge to resist the urge to shake him into wakefulness, but it'd be worth it to see the look on his face whenever he rolled out of bed. 

The stairs creaked under her weight as she crept up. Her gaze swept over the upper level, locking in one fancy, embellished door that, of course, belonged to the Baptist. She opened it silently, peeking her head in and glancing back to catch sight of Jacob, lingering with a soft look on his face. He nodded, a small act of encouragement. That was all she needed to step inside to take in the sight of John. 

She paused, surprise crossing her features. The tears that was held in her eyes finally dropped, rushing down her cheeks. John was curled up under a mountain of blankets, she could see in the darkness how he was lying in the fetal position, legs tugged upward. Looking like a young child. She had done that to him, hadn't she? Her being gone, that's what reduced him to being like this. Padding closer to him she saw the frown he carried, how he was fisting at the blankets up over his mouth. He seemed restless.

Jacob placed a hand on the small of her back and leaned down to kiss her neck. “You thinkin’ on running pup?”

She twirled on him, eyes blown wide. “What? Of course not.” 

“Kidding, kidding.” Jacob gave her one last kiss. “Go on, he’s been a mess, he needs ya.” 

“What about you?” 

“I’ve got a room here, I’ll let you two have some alone time.” 

He left her alone with the sleeping man, shutting the door with a soft click. Her heart rate seemed to speed up at the prospect of lying with him. 

She tossed off her shirt and shimmied out of her jeans. As many time as he had seen her naked, she didn’t want the first thought in his mind to be a lustful one. She loved this man, adored him. They needed moments that were soft. That chain of thoughts made her head to his drawers until she found the one that held his pants. It was surprising to find sweatpants there, dark black with a star like pattern. Almost like outer space. Leave it to John to own galaxy pants. It was cute though. And it fit. Loose enough to slip down and hang off her hips. 

John had shifted by the time she got into his bed. He was facing towards the middle, towards her. She got as close as she could to him without making him wake up as she squirmed under the blankets. That familiar warmth greeted her. The deputy’s hand brushed over his cheek, up into his hairline. She dared to place a kiss on the bridge of his nose and didn't miss the light sigh he gave off, body already loosening as if he recognized her. 

Her hand found his leg under the blankets where she rubbed her thumb around. A smile was already forming on her face. This would be a night to remember.


	7. Chapter 7

His heart was thunding in his chest when he felt the light warming his cheeks and making the world a bright yellow behind his lids. A groan slipped past his lips as he begrudgingly stretched, unfurling from the fetal position he had fallen asleep in. He rolled onto his back, one arm draped over his eyes, the other across his stomach. Already he was going over the checklist of thing he had to do that seemed to be a mile long. Surprising how all that energy, that zest he once carried like a badge, had gone. 

When he turned his head, eyes adjusting to his half lit room, he saw the tiny body under the blankets. Hair fanning out on one of the many pillows at the head of his bed. It was hard not to recognize her. He’s been plagued by her face, that same pouty look she had on right now. He was shaking, physically trembling as he shifted up to be on his knees, hovering over her. The conflict of waking her was too much. She looked utterly exhausted. Pale too, like she hasn't seen the sun in awhile. John eventually settled for bundling her up in his arms, cradling her to his chest as tears filled his eyes and made soft noises throughout the room. 

Her hand curled into the rumpled black shirt he was wearing, mumbling incoherently under her breath. There was that moment right before she fully woke where she didnt know where she was, or who was holding her so close. But when she did--oh--that face was something he wanted ingrained in his memory. Her mouth opened in a small ‘O’ shape before she smiled and moved to press her face in the crook of his neck. 

“No,” John pulled her face away, thumb rubbing into her cheek. “I need to see you.” He let his eyes rove around her expression. Open and honest. There was this urge to toss her down, take her then and there in the early morning rays where God was watching them. But something swelled in his chest that wasn’t lustful. That’s what made him hold her tighter as if his life depended on it. A feeling that was too foreign and overwhelming to describe. 

“Kinda crushing me here Johnny.”

He laughed through the onslaught of tears, finally pressing a kiss to her lips when she was unsuspecting. There was a small noise of surprise before she melted against him. Letting him take her. “You should’ve woken me,” his eyes shot to his alarm clock, it was late at night, a little past midnight. 

His hands lifted the hem of her shirt, his shirt, that thought made him chuckle as another surge of emotions plunged into his veins. “John.” She sounded chastising, like he was a young child. 

“Said I wanted to see you.” The man had a good point, and she wasn't against the idea. So she sat in front of him pliantly as he exposed her. He was breathless in seconds. Staring at her with awe, making her feel like she was a goddess. She can't remember exploring someone else's body the way John was doing to her. His hands went slowly, brushing over her ribs, way too visible from the lack of food. He ghosted over her navel and her hip bones. 

“Gonna make a move?” The deputy leaned into his touch. 

“Mm, maybe. I’m enjoying myself dear. Something wrong with that?” He stuck his bottom lip out, showed puppy dog eyes that looked genuine. She only shook her head and flung her arms around him, littering his neck in kisses. 

 

“Course not, go ahead, indulge yourself.”

That small act of permission spurred him on. Gave him a right of passage to make her lie down on her back so he could hover over her. His beard was scratching against her stomach, hands pressed on the curves of her body. Slipping up and down, a touch that drew a shiver out of her. His lips moved up, head tipping to the side so he could hear the thumping beat of her heartbeat. It was sporadic in the best of ways. He stayed like that for too long, long enough for her heart to slow down until it didn’t sound like she was about to faint. 

He sat up to straddle her waist, leaning down to place chaste kisses on her nipples, cupping them both between tattooed hands. Long fingers dug into her soft flesh. Now blemished from the war she fought. The same war that was finally over. That thought made him smile wide as his lips brushed hers. Not pushing her for more. 

The loose pants he was wearing did little to hide his excitement. He pulled on the drawstring of the sweatpants she was wearing, once again another article of his clothing. He didn't think he had a thing for others wearing his clothes, aways was possessive, no amount of preaching in the world would fully rid him of greed. Seeing her now though, he almost didn't want to take it off her.

Almost. 

She lifted her hips for him, let him push her legs up towards her chest as he dropped the offending article on the ground, taking her panties with it. 

John took this whole thing slow. Acting like it was a dream he was afraid he would wake up from. A pang of longing shot through him when he moved lower on her body. His hand intertwined with hers, the other rubbing patterns on her inner thigh. Her legs winded around his head, heels pressed into his upper back. He placed soft bites anywhere he could reach, ones that wouldn't bruise. She had enough of those. 

The tip of his tongue glided through her folds, pausing at her clit, leaving it there until she shoved her hips upward. He ate her out with lewd noises that made her squirm from the vulgarity of it. He didn’t leave her longing. As soon as she started getting noisier he was quick to finish her off, pushing a finger inside of her just to feel the way she clenched around him. She came way too loudly, briefly making him worry about the lingering Peggies who guarded them outside. 

He rose slowly, once the warmth of his breath on her exposed cunt made her whimper. The flat of his palms ran up her stomach, sucking at the skin under her breast. 

“John.” It was mumbled through panting words and a dreamy grin that had him grabbing her so he could roll them around, her on top of him. Their faces were close, noses brushing as she stared down at him with wide eyes. The implication of what he wanted was obvious when he rolled his hips up into her exposed flesh. 

The deputy moved with a new vigor to take off his pants. Her nails ran down his thighs, leaving light red streaks in their wake. 

He guided her to sit on his cock, gushing with precum and pressing on her walls in all the right ways. Keeping each nerve in her body on fire and sensitive. He was thicker than she remembered, taking her breath away. She leaned forward, felt him card his fingers through her hair. 

She started off fast, wanted him to find the same release she was granted. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure right up until the end when he came inside her. His warmth slipped out almost immediately when she moved off of him, staining his bedsheets. They laid like that, bodies pressed close together, curled around each other with her head tucked below his chin.

\------

The silence that shrouded them, that they basked in, was interrupted by John mumbling in the dark, right by her ear. “I’m not sure what time it is, but I’m starving. Come with me.” He nudged her awake, pulling her along with him when her hands wandered. He winced when he saw the time. 2 AM. His sleep schedule was fucked and he’s been forgetting to eat and shower regularly. He was trying to get better for her, now that she was here. And she wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. 

In her tired state she needed to lean on John to pull on an outfit, stopping him from walking out in his birthday suit. “It’s my house, and you’ve seen me already. Hope you’re not getting tired of me already.” It was a joke, a comment that was meant to toy with her. But she caught the note of insecurity below his words. 

She pulled their foreheads together, knew that it was an act of affection that was familiar to him, it meant a lot. “No, John, you keep me on my toes, can’t be bored of you just yet. But Jacob is sleeping down the hall and you might not be ashamed of your body but I’m sure your brother doesn't want to see that.” She broke away, taming her hair and tossing him his sweatpants. 

John made a face but put them on anyway. “Nothing he hasn’t seen considering all the times we’ve slept with you.” A small smirk fell upon his lips as he lunged forward to grab her around the waist. He bit on her earlobe. “Which I hope will happen soon again. We need a reunion.” He let go of her to slip out into the hallway, not before giving her hips one last squeeze.

It was early in the morning, too damn early to be waking Jacob up. She hasn't spent enough time with the men to know the small intimate details she desired, such as how they act when rudely awaken. She wasn't about to find out, John on the other hand didn't seem as concerned. With him clattering pots and pans and slamming the fridge shut with a bump of his hip. He was whistling, not noticing her sharp glare as he gathered ingredients.

He worked with efficiency, only seeing her when he practically rammed into her. “You look angry, did you not--” Her hand covered his mouth, making him squeak in surprise. 

“Keep the noise down, everyone all over the Valley will hear us, including Jacob and he isn't someone I want to annoy.”

“Please, Jake’s easily sated. Especially with you around.”

She leaned on the counter with a huff of air, letting him continue cooking. Her eyes roamed over his bare chest, taking into account each press of ink embedded in his skin. 

“You should let me give you one.” John hummed upon seeing her gaze. His head disappeared for a second as he checked on whatever food he placed in the oven. “I’ve done these all myself, we could match.” That made her snort, she’s heard too many horror stories about couple’s tattoos.

“Sure John, keep asking, catch me on a good day and I might say yes.” On the last word he inhaled deeply and she knew him well enough to know it wasn't the food he was smelling. 

“I’m a very persuasive man. And persistent, I’ll get you to say yes eventually.” With a faux angry snarl he bit into what she now could identity as lasagna. He closed in on her, boxing her in and kissing her, filling her tastes with the dish he prepared. It made her hum delightfully. Jacob’s chefs had some competition. Her eyes fluttered closed when he pulled back. 

“So?”

“Delicious.” She yanked him back in for another kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

Three hours later and she was bouncing on her feet, lip pulled between her teeth roughly. Gnawing until it was raw and she tasted blood.

 

“Stop that, I’m the only one allowed to have self destructive habits.” Jacob teased, thumbing at her lip, making her yank it free. He slipped his thumb in her mouth, sighing when she ran her teeth over his callused skin. 

 

They stood in the bustling courtyard of Joseph’s compound. Had driven up here as soon as Jacob had gotten his fill of coffee and could stand being around people. Breakfast was ate in near silence, John and Jacob working around each other with efficiency, communicating with as little as words as possible, she couldn't blame them, the sun wasn't even up yet. 

 

It was a nice sight. Though someone was missing. She knew they felt it too, that their other half was absent, making her think that this routine of a morning meal was done with them all together more often than she thought.

 

That empty feeling that left her chest aching is what led them to be standing at the front of his church as one of the Peggies went to retrieve The Father, tell him that his brothers were there to see him. She thought it cruel that no one told him she was alive and well. But for his reaction, it might be worth it. 

 

She was told of how he had reacted to her being gone, how sure he was that she would come back and be their little lamb, would be with them during the collapse. A few months ago and that would have scared the crap out of her. Now she couldn’t think of a better fate.

 

The way the church doors swung open, both of them flung wide, was some dramatic act that made her reel slightly. She took in the shell of a man in front of her. Not in the same way John was, broken and dejected. A step away from a dangerous breakdown, ready to go down in a blaze of glory. No. Joseph looked  _ pissed. _ Absolutely angry. Wrathful. It took her breath away. Made her pop her lip back between her teeth with all the nervous energy flowing through her. 

 

His hair was held in a loose bun, so loose in fact that a large portion of it was resting on his shoulders. Half up, half down. It didn't strike her as odd that he was shirtless, but she did see that he was missing his belt, the one that had an Eden’s Gate symbol attached to it. Pledging loyalty and faith. His glasses were rightfully in place and from behind them she saw a flurry of emotions she couldn't identity. Joseph had never been this easy to read. Keeping a calming facade to make his people flock towards him. It was all too different. Like she was meeting him for the first time.

 

With a sharp nudge from John’s elbow she went forward. Head tipped down in some show of being demure. Eyes held shut, now that he was there, alive and well and a complete reality, she was scared. Just like the time she saw him in the church all those months ago, ready to slap handcuffs across his skin. 

 

He came off as hostile now that she could read him. And the fear of rejection from this foreign man was too much to bear. 

 

Her shoulders relaxed when she felt strong yet kind hands pull her head to his chest, bodies pressed flush together as he cradled her. Murmurings of ‘My child,’ filling her ears. She let a moment of weakness slip. Let sobs wrench from her throat and tears come out from what she thought were dried up sockets. 

 

Her heart could finally settle knowing that everyone was where they should be, that the world worked out all the kinks that appeared in this story. 

 

Thinking back on it now she was glad she didn’t listen to Joseph when she came to arrest him, that she didn’t heed his warning to turn back. She’s lost too much to count, earned one too many scars and bruises then she had ever hoped for. What she gained paled in comparison to those who had left her side. Even if she was regretful, they’d never let her go. 

 

**_The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh._ **

 


End file.
